So I am one of those odd mommies who does not enjoy time away from my kids without Aarron being home at list. I love every moment I get with them. There are those moments where I need some me time but I don't enjoy being away from my kids. I am human and I do need time talking to other ladies who totally get how I am feeling but I go when my kids are asleep and Aarron is home so that I don't miss time with them. This is not because I am a crazy mom who does not let her kids go out into the world it is because I want to soak up every moment I can with my sweet babies before they grow up and no longer want to spend time with mom and dad so much. I already know that the time with my kids will go faster then I am ready for or then I want it to. I have always found it funny when older people try to convince me about the time going fast and to enjoy my kids. I of course agree but they usually seem to think that I am just being agreeable when in all reality I already know that and it saddens me. For all those people who wish I would let my kids come over to be watched by you I don't do that for the very reason that I am not willing to give up that so very precious time with my kids. All of that being said I have gone out with my husband and enjoyed the time. I am not saying it is horrible to go out and leave your kids with a babysitter. It is just my personal preference that we don't really spend a ton of time away from our kids.
So what started this days post was my search for something to get Owen for his 3rd birthday. It sent me into this little "depression" about my kids. They are all growing up on me and they are doing it so quickly. It blows my mind at every birthday that my kids are a year older. It seems like it can't really be possible and yet I know it is. Owen though has kind of been that exception for me. He has been highly delayed in his speech, self-help, and fine motor development. This at one time was very concerning to me and I spent a lot of time working with him to improve his skills after he got tubes as well as a person coming out to help him once a month. He slowly improved but I could always still see his delay and knew he was my baby. :O) All of the sudden though about 2 months ago he made leaps and bounds in his improvement. Now don't get me wrong this is a great thing, but this is where his birthday and me looking for a present all came into play. Like I said he has always been my baby boy but all of the sudden I realize he is turning three on me with a probability of preschool and he is now capable of doing things on his own. My baby boyjust grew up on me. He is not a baby boy anymore he is turning into my big boy. As happy as I am that he has come so far in this last year with his development being almost exactly on target I am sad that it happened all at once because it hit a little harder then it normally does.
Not only is he getting bigger and not needing mom as much my sweet baby girl is starting to not need mom so much anymore. When all you have done for the last 7 1/2 years starts to change what do you do with the knowledge that you are not needed so much anymore. I honestly love my kids but these next few years of growing up that will hit are going to be hard ones on me. I at some point over these next few years will have to learn how to let go and let my kids learn and grow in this scary world without me being there to catch them all the time. That will be very difficult for me. I have faith that my Heavenly Father will help guide me to help my children prepare for the future so they can succeed in life. I know there will be hard and scary times where I will want to jump in and can't because they will need those moments to mold them. In those scary and tought times I know I will turn to my husband in those moments and that he will be there to support me through the tough moments. He always has before. I also trust that he will know when we need to step in for our kids and when to let them be...if it were up to me I am sure I would always jump in even though I know that isn't what they need. Sheesh is parenting hard. I pray that my kids don't make choices that compromise their future and that if they do start to struggle that we can help them get their lives back in order.
So there are a few things I am thankful for...my amazing husband who has worked so hard to allow me to stay home to raise our sweet babies, for the love and support he has always showed me, for all of the sweet and tough moments I get to share with my babies, and for the bond we share with our children.
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