So about three weeks after I had Aiden I saw this little girl in my head and thought it was wishful thinking on my part wanting a baby girl...after we found out we were having a girl I think it was God giving me a heads up :o)
Then as I stated in Owen's story I saw two of Aarron's ancestors in my dream Feki and Ana. Again when we found out I think this was God saying Brisha pay attention I have two babies for you still. Of course I didn't really pay attention. Apparently I am slow on the uptake. I usually make my own plans and Heavenly Father lets me know how off the mark I am. I trust in him though because he always knows what is best for me and the path my life needs to take!
After having Owen I felt pretty done. I felt like my family was complete. I told everyone I did not want a football team to have a girl and that I loved my boys more then anything in the world. I didn't need a baby girl...Oh how wrong I was!
Here is the start of my sweet baby girls story. I skipped three birth control pills thinking it was just one. I told Aarron that night that we were pregnant and I was right. My due date was exactly 40 weeks from that day. Pretty crazy when you know the day you got pregnant with your fourth child. Anyways I was not really sure how to feel. I was worried about being pregnant again. I don't have horrible pregnancies but they are rough on me. Once I hit about 5-6 months I can't lay down because it is to painful and I am tired through the majority of my pregnancy. I have a lot of pain. It was a lot for me to take on with three kids and I was worried and to boot Aiden was going to school for the first time. I was a wreck.
One of my first questions to my doctor was "How soon can we tie my tubes after I have this baby?" I love my babies and I am glad I have them, but like I said I was really worried about going through another pregnancy. My whole pregnancy I tried to convince myself it was a boy but I just never really could. I think I knew she was a girl. Come our ultrasound I knew it was a girl even before they told us and I was "tickled pink!" That is actually the words I said all day kind of silly since she was a girl but it was true...for the first time I got to buy pink and cute girly things :o)
I am not in a great head space well I am pregnant and with her it seemed to be worse. I guess it could be possible that I struggle with depression during pregnancy rather then postpartum, but at any rate it is not easy on me mentally. With every baby I always worried about dying during childbirth or that I would have a stillborn baby...I don't know if everyone goes through that or not. At the end of my pregnancy with Dessa it got bad enough that I spent every moment of my day thinking of if I should write out notes for pretty much everything in my children's lives for Aarron so he knew all of what he needed to do for each of them. At that time we had some doctor stuff going on for Aiden and what not. I will say it got really bad. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I could die. Funny thing is at about 6 months I prayed to my Heavenly Father that I would be okay and I knew I would be, and yet I could not keep those thoughts from my head. It got bad enough that I felt like I really needed to just be done being pregnant. We talked to our doctor and decided I would get induced on Halloween.
We went into the hospital at 3:30 in the morning on October 31, 2011. It was not the most pleasant experience in the world. I did not progress at all for many hours. They rechecked me at 9:30 and nothing had really changed so they started the cycle all over. At this point I was worried that I might end up getting sent home which I did not want to do. Come about 1 they started the pitocin. I hate pit it made my contractions so bad that there was literally no break in them. It wasn't the first time that I had gone through this so I was pretty determined to tough it out and go natural again. By about three I was only dilated to a five and not very much effaced which was so infuriating to me. I could not understand why things would not progress I mean I had done this before so I felt like my body should have been moving things along faster. They did even break my water to try to move things along which also did not do much.
My contractions by this point were so bad that I could not catch my breath through contractions. I finally looked over and asked Aarron to tell me to breath while I was contracting because I wasn't managing that on my own. That is a big deal for me because I don't say anything while I am in labor nor do I want to be talked to. I think Aarron really knew I was struggling but he just didn't know how to really help me. He did remind me to breath though pretty regularly and he did sit and hold my hand for a long time trying to give me his support which I desperately needed! I love Aarron and I am so grateful to his strength for me through all of that. I love that I could depend on him through that even though there was not much he really could do.
I stayed at a five for about two hours. I at during that time frame while I was struggling to catch my breath did ask for the IV pain meds that took the edge off which was a huge relief and did help me cope better. IT did not last very long though unfortunately.Then I moved to a six and stayed there for another two hours. I felt like I had done everything I could to move things along and nothing was working. I was feeling very tired since I had not slept and very upset by how long this was taking. I had hoped I would be able to see my boys in their Halloween costumes and that they would be able to see their baby sister. Once again my plan was not working like I wanted it to. Well as time moved like a turtle and I was fed up the only real happy thought I had was that I knew at this point they wouldn't send me home and I would get to meet my beautiful baby girl!!!
At about 7:45 p.m. the nurse came in and asked if I wanted her to check me of course I said no...why would you say yes? Anyways she walked out of the room and about 5 minutes later my contractions changed and I knew we were close. The thing was my doctor was not there yet and his house was about 10 minutes away. I told Aarron to call the nurse because she needed to check me. Sure enough I had finished dilating so they ran to call the doc that was at 7:57 p.m. After having done this three other times my body knew what it was suppose to be doing and it was ready. That is a good thing when your doctor is in the hospital when your doctor isn't there it is a little stressful and crazy for everyone especially the nurses. They told me not to push to keep her in until the doctor came...all the other ladies who have had a baby before you know how much of a joke that is! Well little Dessa baby was delivered by the head nurse with no complications and I got to do it naturally again :o) She was born at 8:05 p.m. on Halloween and she got a cute little minnie mouse colored bow in her hair so that was her first "costume" ever. My doctor made it in right after she was born and as they cut her umbilical cord. I love my doctor and I am sad that he did not make it there to deliver her, but I am glad that the nurses were so amazing and that everything went smoothly.
Part of me is sad that her birthday is on Halloween, but I will make sure that she gets to have her birthday celebration always be about her. I hope that she loves Halloween and knows that her birthday is more important to us then Halloween. Halloween aside though I am so glad that I have a baby girl. Girls are different then boys. I love my boys like crazy and I don't love Dessa anymore then I do them, but I was wrong. I did need a baby girl and I could not have gotten a better baby girl.
She is such a blessing in my life. She is so happy and sweet. She is so loving and she loves her mommy. She loves to be with mommy and just cuddle. She is also super tiny which is fun for me since my boys were so big. I love all my kids and I am glad that we have four amazing children and that our beautiful family is complete for now. It will be fun when the baby journey I get to go on later in life is for a grandchild. Life is such a beautiful thing and I am determined to enjoy every moment with my children absolutely possible!
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